The emotional abuser/Narcissist Personality

The emotional abuser/Narcissist Personality

Current mood:indescribable

actually Posted January 17 2007

(please.. this is worth a read since NPD and emotional abuse so often go together.... also, Npd and the personality of the sociopath have also been linked. 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder........

Many do not know exactly what it is....
they know that it means that the person affected by this disorder
of the mind is centered on one thing and ONE thing only.... themself. All other things will fall by the wayside.
Personally I know that my abuser had N.P.D.

Here I will list some things that
"did he make you think you were crazy too" has posted on her page...... do visit her if you get the chance....she's in my friends..

I will update this if I gain more knowledge..
......right now I am working on healing. If you are out and away from your abuser now, don't let any of this scare you. YOU are away! Work on healing now. Nothing else matters more now than healing. You must put everything else aside and care for YourSELF

-------------------------------ALWAYS Mz Phoenix

CHARACTERISTICS of the NARCISSIST

...how many of these can you check off for the person you are thinking of? This info is incredibly accurate for those with NPD.

1 Self-centered. His needs are paramount.

2. No remorse for mistakes or misdeeds (you come to learn that)

3. Unreliable, undependable.

4. Does not care about the consequences of his actions

5. Projects his faults on to others. High blaming behavior;
never his fault.

6. Little if any conscience.

7. Insensitive to needs and feelings of others.

8. Has a good front (persona/Image) to impress and exploit others.

9. Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage.

10. People are to be manipulated for his needs.

11. Rationalizes easily.
Twists conversation to his gain at other's expense.
If trapped, keeps talking, changes the subject or gets angry.

12. Pathological lying.

13. Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others.

14. No real values. Mostly situational.

15. Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses
this to manipulate.

16. Angry, mercurial, moods.

17. Uses sex to control or intimacy withdrawl to control

18. Does not share ideas, feelings, emotions.

19. Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word.

20. Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment.

21. Secret life. Hides money, friends, activities. (Some don't realise this is happening.. even in marriage until they think about it and begin to realise that they know so little.)

22. Likes annoying others. Likes to create chaos and disrupt
for no reason. (Or does so and victim doesn't realise he likes it)

23. Moody - switches from nice guy to anger without much provocation.

24. Repeatedly fails to honor financial obligations.

25. Seldom expresses appreciation.

26. Grandiose. Convinced he knows more than others and is correct in all he does.

27. Lacks ability to see how he comes across to others.
Defensive when confronted with his behavior. NEVER his fault.

28. Can get emotional, tearful.
This is about show or frustration rather than sorrow.

29. Breaks a victims spirit to keep them dependent.

30. Needs threats, intimidations etc to keep others close to him.

31. Sabotages partner.
Wants her to be happy only through him and to have few
or no outside interests and acquaintances.

32. Highly contradictory.

33. Convincing. Must convince people to side with him.

34. Hides his real self. Always "on"

35. Kind only if he's getting from you what he wants.

36. He has to be right. He has to win. He has to look good.

37. He announces, not discusses.
He tells, not asks.

38. Does not discuss openly, has a hidden agenda.

39. Controls money of others but spends freely on himself.

40. Unilateral condition of,
"I'm OK and justified so I don't need to hear your position or ideas"

41. Always feels misunderstood.

42. You feel miserable with this person. He drains you of
energy etc etc etc.

43. Does not listen ...Does not care.

44. His feelings are discussed, not the victims.. even in apologies

45. Is not interested in problem-solving... yet loves strategy.

46. Very good at reading people, so he can manipulate them.
FIND more on this at:
http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/characteristics.html
"The narcissist inflicts pain and abuse on others.
He devalues Sources of Supply, callously and off-handedly abandons them, and discards people, places, partnerships,
and friendships unhesitatingly.

Sudden shifts between sadism and altruism,
~abuse and 'love',
~ignoring and caring,
~abandoning and clinging,
~viciousness and remorse,
~the harsh and the tender –
are, perhaps, the most difficult to comprehend and to accept.

These swings produce in people around the narcissist
~emotional insecurity,
~an eroded sense of self worth,
~fear,
~stress,
~and anxiety
('walking on eggshells').

Gradually, emotional paralysis ensues
and they come to occupy the same emotional wasteland
inhabited by the narcissist, his prisoners and hostages
in more ways than one – and even when he or she
is long out of their life."

****
"The narcissist is prone to magical thinking.


WHEN YOU TRY TO END IT...............

The MOST COMMON THING HE'S GOING
TO SAY ABOUT YOU...........

Negative Characterizations
Generally Used by Abusers - They All Say The Same Things...

1. THAT YOU ARE HYSTERICAL/crazy/imagining things/blowing things out of proportion... etc AND THAT YOU ARE PROMISCUOUS/want more partners/never satisifed with him and what he has done.

(The abuser tends to be comfortable lying, having years of
practice, and so can sound believable when making baseless statements.
The abuser benefits to the detriment of his children if the court representative fails to look closely at the evidence - or ignores it - because of his charm.
He also benefits when professionals believe that they can "just tell" who is lying and who is telling the truth, and so fail to adequately investigate. narcissistic-abuse.com)

2. That You Are So Special...
You two have a "connection,"
a rapport that he didn't have with his ex or never had before.
You have more things in common, similar personalities.
He's pointed out all the ways that you two are so alike - it's just uncanny.
You are so lucky to have met him at this point in your life.
He says that he really appreciates you for who you are -
and he's the first person to really do that, isn't he?

Sure, he said the same things to *her* when he got together
with her (and then grew to hate so many things about her),
but it's different with you.

He couldn't possibly be operating from scripts anymore.
And it's so nice to finally have someone YOU can lean on, isn't it?
It's hard being on your own, building a career, managing a household, and doing it all yourself.
All of a sudden, here's this guy offering to help in ways that no one ever did. Knowing all the things you have been longing for and wanting in a partner.
He couldn't possibly be hooking into your heart-felt desires and hurt places and pretending to be the answer, because he knows that's where you are vulnerable.
He couldn't be pretending to like the things you like, and want the things you want, and be the person you have been looking for, because it's part of his patterns.
Just because he did that with the women that came before you, doesn't mean he's doing that with you.
He's really sincere this time. Right?

IS YOUR NARCISSIST/ABUSER PLAYING YOU?

a list of His FAVORITE PHRASES.................................

www.narcissistic-abuse.com/NPDQuotes.rtf

-"you are my soul mate" or "this is fate" "you are the One"

-"I'm sorry that you feel that way" (because I'm not taking responsibility for this)

-"I'm always supportive of you..." (but when you're not around, and take the focus off of me, I have to find supply elsewhere, baby)

-Cute nicknames: Baby, you are my honey, my sweetie, babe, dear... etc (gives the impression that he/she takes CARE of you)

-"I'm a good husband / father and other women are envious
and want to ruin that."

-"Don't listen to her (when they get caught with/by someone)
she's in love with me/ lying/ psycho..."

-" I can't control how you feel "

-"why do you interpret everything I say" "you change my words"

-"I never said that," (when you repeat something from a prior conversation--sometimes just yesterday.)

-"that never happened" (even when the proof is right there)

-"Your hearing things" "you imagine these things"

-"I told you that" or "that's what I told you"
"where is your memory?" (CAUTION: emotional abuse is proven to cause memory loss because of this type of mental training)

-"I would never lie to you"

-"Listen to my words" (as he plays his word games) "stop doing all the talking and listen to me or I will not talk to you at all."

-"I am a good (etc) man" ("and you know that")

-"Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me"

-"I'm not that person"

-"I would never do that to you"

-"You're damaged from your last relationship/family/mind/condition/etc"

-"You are never happy"

-"No one can make you happy"

-"I would never cheat on you - you're always suspicious"

-"You never trusted me"

-"Stop turning me into your last relationship/family member/friend/enemy"

-"I never called you her name"

-"I don't know what your talking about"

-" Thoes aren't scratches on my back, your imagination
is getting to you"

ETC

NOTE:

Normal people can behave irrationally under emotional stress --
be confused, deny things they know, get sort of paranoid, want to be babied when they're in pain.

But normal people recover pretty much within an hour or two or a day or two, and, with normal people,
your expressions of love and concern for their welfare will be taken to heart. They will be stabilized by your emotional and moral support.

Not so with narcissists -- the surest way I know of to get a
crushing blow to your heart is to tell a narcissist you love her or him (or even, as many victims have ~ to plead with them).
They will respond with a nasty power move, such as telling you to do things entirely their way or else be banished from them for ever.

This post came from:www.myspace.com/_emotionalabuse/blog/218790366