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Fear

Hell on earth is not a place but a state of mind!
Have you lived in fear, cowered when a hand is raised, felt empty and alone, or felt that your life has been stolen from you because anxiety and depression is nipping at your heals? Is your laughter gone? Has your spirit been broken, and the word hope is no longer in your vocabulary? I was once in that dark place of no return. My mind, body, heart and soul were broken into a million pieces, and the fear running through my veins were earth shattering. My brain was numb to all rational thinking and thoughts of suicide were like taking a common every day breath. The only thing that saved me was a moment of clarity to realize that I couldn't leave my young children behind with this person I was married to. My isolation and captivity was complete. I am still in counseling for PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) 3 years later, but I am finding out who I really am for the first time in my life. I am loving, smart, funny, and most of all I have learned that I am a good wife and a good mother after 21 years of hearing I wasn't good enough for anything. My life has been forever changed, and life is good. Challenges still arise, but with my new husband and my family always there for me with unconditional love and support I am
making it one day at a time.
My dream is that one day divorce courts will address mental, verbal and psychological (emotional) abuse as a prosecutable offense. The scars run deep and wide with all forms of abuse, just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they don't exist.Research is starting to show that mental abuse is longer lasting to its victims than physical abuse. I can now say I am a survivor!
Hope is something I never had, until my escape became a reality not a dream. Hope is now a wonderful word in my vocabulary, and fear is a thing of the past. My number one goal is to finish school with a PHD degree in Pyschology so that I can help women and men, who are still in that dark place of no return and to keep my children safe and showing them that they are loved. I want to show victims that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and a freedom of the soul they never thought possible. Abused women and men need to know that there is life after they go through hell on earth, a traumatic experience, that will forever change who they are and who they can be.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Domestic violence and sexual assault: courage to act

Posted: March 22, 2012 - 12:08am
A survey by the University of Alaska provides some startling facts: More than 47 percent of Juneau women have been subjected to domestic violence or the serious threat of violence in their lifetime.
To 5,544 Juneau women, it’s not a statistical occurrence, but a terrifying reality. It doesn’t stop there: More than 35 percent of Juneau women (exceeding 4,100) have been sexually assaulted.
The women who answered the Alaska Victimization Survey are survivors, and their participation honored the memory of those who, due to fear and violence, were not able to find their voice. I sincerely thank these Juneau respondents for recounting experiences no one should be subjected to, so that we all may understand the extent of these crimes in our community. That took courage.
For victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, the choice of leaving a violent relationship or calling the police to report the assault are anything but easy. It requires getting others involved and overcoming fear, embarrassment, self-doubt and shame. It may mean upheaval in families, as secret, horrific crimes are brought to light. And sometimes, choices and options are limited or nonexistent.
Thousands of victims across Alaska are surviving this very moment on the hope they’ll be spared another violent attack. Turning to family and friends, they may be met with judgment and blame.
Yet without support from others, without action or intervention, victims’ lives often do not improve. Too often, they end up dead.
It will take all of us, in every community, to end this epidemic. We can lend our courage to victims and survivors by taking a visible and vocal stand for what we want as a social norm: Respect for all.
On March 29, Juneau residents can join with others in a statewide act of prevention and intervention — a “Choose Respect” rally or march. This annual event, now 119 Alaskan communities strong, offers hope and healing to people trapped by violent relationships, and changes the social norms of our state.
After last year’s “Choose Respect” rally, I heard from many survivors. They said seeing their neighbors holding up signs against domestic violence and sexual assault helped them take concrete steps toward safety and healing. Others found the courage to speak publicly about the harm inflicted upon them.
Please do not underestimate the positive impact you have on fellow Alaskans by simply showing up at a “Choose Respect” event.
We can also lend our courage by being more aware of those around us, and by learning the signals of possible physical or sexual abuse. What’s more, by exercising our courage daily, we will be ready when we encounter someone who is being harmed. We won’t turn away. We will offer help or call for help.
In Juneau, help is at hand at the AWARE Shelter. If a violent crime is in progress and you cannot safely intervene, please call 911.
Resources on signs and symptoms of abuse and information about how to get involved are found at the “Choose Respect” website: chooserespect.alaska.gov.
The problem is closer than you think, but so is the solution: You are key. Please join us at noon on March 29; we start at the steps of the Capitol and end up at Marine Park.
Be one of thousands of courageous Alaskans choosing respect for their families, friends and community.
• Sean Parnell is the governor of Alaska.

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