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Fear

Hell on earth is not a place but a state of mind!
Have you lived in fear, cowered when a hand is raised, felt empty and alone, or felt that your life has been stolen from you because anxiety and depression is nipping at your heals? Is your laughter gone? Has your spirit been broken, and the word hope is no longer in your vocabulary? I was once in that dark place of no return. My mind, body, heart and soul were broken into a million pieces, and the fear running through my veins were earth shattering. My brain was numb to all rational thinking and thoughts of suicide were like taking a common every day breath. The only thing that saved me was a moment of clarity to realize that I couldn't leave my young children behind with this person I was married to. My isolation and captivity was complete. I am still in counseling for PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) 3 years later, but I am finding out who I really am for the first time in my life. I am loving, smart, funny, and most of all I have learned that I am a good wife and a good mother after 21 years of hearing I wasn't good enough for anything. My life has been forever changed, and life is good. Challenges still arise, but with my new husband and my family always there for me with unconditional love and support I am
making it one day at a time.
My dream is that one day divorce courts will address mental, verbal and psychological (emotional) abuse as a prosecutable offense. The scars run deep and wide with all forms of abuse, just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they don't exist.Research is starting to show that mental abuse is longer lasting to its victims than physical abuse. I can now say I am a survivor!
Hope is something I never had, until my escape became a reality not a dream. Hope is now a wonderful word in my vocabulary, and fear is a thing of the past. My number one goal is to finish school with a PHD degree in Pyschology so that I can help women and men, who are still in that dark place of no return and to keep my children safe and showing them that they are loved. I want to show victims that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and a freedom of the soul they never thought possible. Abused women and men need to know that there is life after they go through hell on earth, a traumatic experience, that will forever change who they are and who they can be.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Stop The Violence



She was a shell
Empty and alone
Where could she go?
Who could she tell?



Was easier to stay
To accept defeat
Everyone told her
That's the way it should be.


They all looked away
and left her alone
they turned their heads
to any broken bones


They told her to be strong
for that was the plan
Her only goal
should be to please her man


She did her best
She gave it her all
When asked "What happened?"
She said
"Oh, Just a fall"


Years went by
she learned to adapt
she learned how not
to make him mad


She learned how to please
Just what to say
She learned to make sure
HE had a good day


Those looking on could not see?
Would not see?
The pain that was so deep inside of me
Was it easier to just look away?


Distance and time
closed for me
there was a hand that
could be reached


A hand with a face
from the past
A hand that only for a
short time would last


I held on to that hand
with all my might
I pulled myself up
I learned how to fight


A year has past
And now I see
just how wonderful
life should be


Written in celebration of my freedom
Dedicated to the face from the past,
(Someone's name) ( Author unknown)

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