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Hell on earth is not a place but a state of mind!
Have you lived in fear, cowered when a hand is raised, felt empty and alone, or felt that your life has been stolen from you because anxiety and depression is nipping at your heals? Is your laughter gone? Has your spirit been broken, and the word hope is no longer in your vocabulary? I was once in that dark place of no return. My mind, body, heart and soul were broken into a million pieces, and the fear running through my veins were earth shattering. My brain was numb to all rational thinking and thoughts of suicide were like taking a common every day breath. The only thing that saved me was a moment of clarity to realize that I couldn't leave my young children behind with this person I was married to. My isolation and captivity was complete. I am still in counseling for PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) 3 years later, but I am finding out who I really am for the first time in my life. I am loving, smart, funny, and most of all I have learned that I am a good wife and a good mother after 21 years of hearing I wasn't good enough for anything. My life has been forever changed, and life is good. Challenges still arise, but with my new husband and my family always there for me with unconditional love and support I am
making it one day at a time.
My dream is that one day divorce courts will address mental, verbal and psychological (emotional) abuse as a prosecutable offense. The scars run deep and wide with all forms of abuse, just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they don't exist.Research is starting to show that mental abuse is longer lasting to its victims than physical abuse. I can now say I am a survivor!
Hope is something I never had, until my escape became a reality not a dream. Hope is now a wonderful word in my vocabulary, and fear is a thing of the past. My number one goal is to finish school with a PHD degree in Pyschology so that I can help women and men, who are still in that dark place of no return and to keep my children safe and showing them that they are loved. I want to show victims that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and a freedom of the soul they never thought possible. Abused women and men need to know that there is life after they go through hell on earth, a traumatic experience, that will forever change who they are and who they can be.

Monday, November 12, 2012

ALCOHOL AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE


The relationship between alcohol or other substance abuse and domestic violence is complicated. A prevailing myth about domestic violence is that alcohol and drugs are the major causes of domestic abuse. In reality, some abusers rely on substance use (and abuse) as an excuse for becoming violent. Alcohol allows the abuser to justify his abusive behavior as a result of the alcohol. While an abuser’s use of alcohol may have an effect on the severity of the abuse or the ease with which the abuser can justify his actions, an abuser does not become violent “because” drinking causes him to lose control of his temper. As described more fully in the section on theories of violence, domestic violence is used to exert power and control over another; it does not represent a loss of control.

Understanding some of the theories that have been advanced to explain the substance-violence relationship can, however, help advocates design interventions that can increase women’s safety and help men choose non-violence. Most importantly, domestic violence and substance abuse should be understood and treated as independent problems: “[T]he reduction of one problem to the familiar language and interventions of the other problem is ill-advised.” At the same time, because the relationship between substance abuse and domestic violence is complex, institutions that address these problems together must be capable of managing their complexity.

Alcohol does affect the user’s ability to perceive, integrate and process information. This distortion in the user’s thinking does not cause violence, but may increase the risk that the user will misinterpret his partner or another’s behavior.

Some research indicates that a large quantity of alcohol, or any quantity for alcoholics, can increase the user’s sense of personal power and domination over others. An increased sense of power and control can, in turn, make it more likely that an abuser will attempt to exercise that power and control over another.

Violence may be triggered by conflict over alcohol use (or ending such use), or in the process of obtaining and using substances, particularly illegal drugs. Other research indicates that a battered woman may use substances with her abuser in order to attempt to manage the violence and increase her safety; her abuser may also force her to use substances with him.

Some research indicates that substance abuse may increase the aggressive response of individuals with low levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin. There is, however, still “no evidence that batterers are ‘hard wired’ for (or predisposed to) violence, nor that their socialization or choice-making processes are not operational when using substances.”

Research indicates that there may be a correlation between the risk of domestic violence and certain personality characteristics. For example, alcohol abuse may increase the risk of violence in men who think abuse of women is appropriate and are also under socioeconomic hardship.

Some researchers have found that parental substance abuse and parental domestic violence increase the chances that a child will grow up to be an abuser and/or a substance abuser.

Finally, a 1991 study in the United States found that the average amount of alcohol consumed prior to the use of violence was only a few drinks, which “suggests that the act of drinking may be more related to woman abuse than the effect of alcohol.” Two other studies indicate that drug use is more strongly correlated to domestic violence than is alcohol.

From Larry W. Bennett, in Substance Abuse and Woman Abuse by Male Partners (1997).

Further discussion of the relationship between alcohol abuse and domestic violence is provided by the Women’s Rural Advocacy Programs

for more information check out: www1.umn.edu/humanrts/svaw/domestic/link/alcohol.htm

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