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Fear

Hell on earth is not a place but a state of mind!
Have you lived in fear, cowered when a hand is raised, felt empty and alone, or felt that your life has been stolen from you because anxiety and depression is nipping at your heals? Is your laughter gone? Has your spirit been broken, and the word hope is no longer in your vocabulary? I was once in that dark place of no return. My mind, body, heart and soul were broken into a million pieces, and the fear running through my veins were earth shattering. My brain was numb to all rational thinking and thoughts of suicide were like taking a common every day breath. The only thing that saved me was a moment of clarity to realize that I couldn't leave my young children behind with this person I was married to. My isolation and captivity was complete. I am still in counseling for PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) 3 years later, but I am finding out who I really am for the first time in my life. I am loving, smart, funny, and most of all I have learned that I am a good wife and a good mother after 21 years of hearing I wasn't good enough for anything. My life has been forever changed, and life is good. Challenges still arise, but with my new husband and my family always there for me with unconditional love and support I am
making it one day at a time.
My dream is that one day divorce courts will address mental, verbal and psychological (emotional) abuse as a prosecutable offense. The scars run deep and wide with all forms of abuse, just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they don't exist.Research is starting to show that mental abuse is longer lasting to its victims than physical abuse. I can now say I am a survivor!
Hope is something I never had, until my escape became a reality not a dream. Hope is now a wonderful word in my vocabulary, and fear is a thing of the past. My number one goal is to finish school with a PHD degree in Pyschology so that I can help women and men, who are still in that dark place of no return and to keep my children safe and showing them that they are loved. I want to show victims that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and a freedom of the soul they never thought possible. Abused women and men need to know that there is life after they go through hell on earth, a traumatic experience, that will forever change who they are and who they can be.

Monday, October 29, 2012


Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder

There are nine specific diagnostic criteria (symptoms) for borderline personality disorder defined in the
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision (referred to as DSM-IV-TR, or just DSM-IV) published in 2000 by the American Psychiatric Association.1 In order to be diagnosed with borderline disorder, you must have five of the nine criteria.
It is now common to list the symptoms of the disorder in four groups or dimensions:
1. Excessive, unstable and poorly regulated emotional responses.
The most commonly affected emotions are anger, anxiety and depression. Of the nine DSM-IV criteria for borderline disorder, three fall into this group:
  • Affective (emotional) instability including intense, episodic emotional anguish, irritability, and anxiety/ panic attacks
  • Anger that is inappropriate, intense and difficult to control, and
  • Chronic feelings of emptiness
In addition, if you suffer from borderline disorder, you may also experience
  • Emotional over reactivity (“emotional storms”)
  • Emotional responses that are occasionally under reactive, and
  • Chronic boredom
2. Impulsive behaviors that are harmful to you or to others.
Two of the DSM-IV criteria for borderline disorder are in this group:
  • Self-damaging acts such as excessive spending, unsafe and inappropriate sexual conduct, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating, and
  • Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-injurious behavior
Also, you may engage in other impulsive behaviors such as actions that are harmful and destructive to yourself, others or to property.
3. You may have an inaccurate view of yourself and others, and experience a high level of suspiciousness and other misperceptions.
Two of the DSM-IV criteria for borderline disorder are included in this group:
  • A markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of your self (your identity), and
  • Paranoid ideation or severe dissociative episodes (transient and stress related)
In addition, you may consistently experience
  • Expectations of negative and harmful attitudes and behaviors from most people
  • Impaired social reasoning under stress
  • Impaired memory under stress
4. Finally, you may experience tumultuous and very unstable relationships.
The final two DSM-IV criteria fall in this group:
  • You may engage in frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, and
  • Your relationships may be very intense, unstable, and alternate between the extremes of over idealizing and undervaluing people who are important to you
You may also recognize that you have overly dependent and clinging behavior in important relationships.

For more information on BPD go to Borderline Personality disorder Demystified by Robert O Friedel MN at www.bpddemystified.com/what-is-bpd/symptoms

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