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Fear

Hell on earth is not a place but a state of mind!
Have you lived in fear, cowered when a hand is raised, felt empty and alone, or felt that your life has been stolen from you because anxiety and depression is nipping at your heals? Is your laughter gone? Has your spirit been broken, and the word hope is no longer in your vocabulary? I was once in that dark place of no return. My mind, body, heart and soul were broken into a million pieces, and the fear running through my veins were earth shattering. My brain was numb to all rational thinking and thoughts of suicide were like taking a common every day breath. The only thing that saved me was a moment of clarity to realize that I couldn't leave my young children behind with this person I was married to. My isolation and captivity was complete. I am still in counseling for PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) 3 years later, but I am finding out who I really am for the first time in my life. I am loving, smart, funny, and most of all I have learned that I am a good wife and a good mother after 21 years of hearing I wasn't good enough for anything. My life has been forever changed, and life is good. Challenges still arise, but with my new husband and my family always there for me with unconditional love and support I am
making it one day at a time.
My dream is that one day divorce courts will address mental, verbal and psychological (emotional) abuse as a prosecutable offense. The scars run deep and wide with all forms of abuse, just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they don't exist.Research is starting to show that mental abuse is longer lasting to its victims than physical abuse. I can now say I am a survivor!
Hope is something I never had, until my escape became a reality not a dream. Hope is now a wonderful word in my vocabulary, and fear is a thing of the past. My number one goal is to finish school with a PHD degree in Pyschology so that I can help women and men, who are still in that dark place of no return and to keep my children safe and showing them that they are loved. I want to show victims that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and a freedom of the soul they never thought possible. Abused women and men need to know that there is life after they go through hell on earth, a traumatic experience, that will forever change who they are and who they can be.

Friday, October 12, 2012

I want women to understand that there is freedom from your abuse.  I want this Blog to be a postive place for women to come and get inspired, get help, and to get out of their own personal hell on earth.

Freedom means different things to different people.  My freedom made me whole again.

Forgiveness
Resilience
Escape
Experience gives you strength
Deliberation
Own yourself
Mend your soul

I don't want to live with hate or revenge in my heart.  This just makes you a bitter angry person.
You need to learn to forgive your attacker, to help you move on with a whole new life you deserve with out letting your anger contol you. Forgiveness will set you free.

Once you have forgivness in your heart you can bounce back with resilience, giving your body the ability to recover and adjust to your life.

Escaping from you abuser is liberating, it will give you a new insight on life, but you also need to escape from feeling the victim to heal.  This will take time, but you feel truly alive once you take away the control from your abuser not to let him/her make you feel like a victim anymore.

I always though I was a weak person because I couldn't leave the abuse.  I am here to tell you, you are not weak.   However you will find that your experience gives you strength. You will find that you have more strength, and courage to get you back onto your  feet and show you that you are a survivor!

You will find deliberation (freewill) and make your own path through life.

Own Yourself.  Don't let anyone take control of you or your deliberation again.

Mend your soul. Again, forgiveness will help you mend your broken soul.  Take care of yourself first, so that you can take care of your children ( if you have any) next.  You can't help anyone unless you mend and take control of yourself.
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