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Fear

Hell on earth is not a place but a state of mind!
Have you lived in fear, cowered when a hand is raised, felt empty and alone, or felt that your life has been stolen from you because anxiety and depression is nipping at your heals? Is your laughter gone? Has your spirit been broken, and the word hope is no longer in your vocabulary? I was once in that dark place of no return. My mind, body, heart and soul were broken into a million pieces, and the fear running through my veins were earth shattering. My brain was numb to all rational thinking and thoughts of suicide were like taking a common every day breath. The only thing that saved me was a moment of clarity to realize that I couldn't leave my young children behind with this person I was married to. My isolation and captivity was complete. I am still in counseling for PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) 3 years later, but I am finding out who I really am for the first time in my life. I am loving, smart, funny, and most of all I have learned that I am a good wife and a good mother after 21 years of hearing I wasn't good enough for anything. My life has been forever changed, and life is good. Challenges still arise, but with my new husband and my family always there for me with unconditional love and support I am
making it one day at a time.
My dream is that one day divorce courts will address mental, verbal and psychological (emotional) abuse as a prosecutable offense. The scars run deep and wide with all forms of abuse, just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they don't exist.Research is starting to show that mental abuse is longer lasting to its victims than physical abuse. I can now say I am a survivor!
Hope is something I never had, until my escape became a reality not a dream. Hope is now a wonderful word in my vocabulary, and fear is a thing of the past. My number one goal is to finish school with a PHD degree in Pyschology so that I can help women and men, who are still in that dark place of no return and to keep my children safe and showing them that they are loved. I want to show victims that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and a freedom of the soul they never thought possible. Abused women and men need to know that there is life after they go through hell on earth, a traumatic experience, that will forever change who they are and who they can be.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence

Alcohol may increase the likelihood of violent behavior but it does not cause it or excuse it.

• If substance abuse were the root cause of domestic violence, then everyone in a substance abuse treatment program would be a batterer.
• Woman abuse does not necessarily stop when the abuser stops abusing alcohol and/or other drugs.
• There is no evidence that batterers are “hard-wired” for violence, nor that their socialization or choice–
making processes are not operational when using substances.
• For episodes of man-to-woman abuse, 22% of the men and 10% of the women report they had been using alcohol at the time of the violence. In three out of four episodes of woman abuse, neither party was intoxicated. (Kantor & Straus, 1987)
• The most commonly accepted concept is that the chemical properties of a substance act on an element of the brain responsible for inhibiting violence, yet no such inhibition center has ever been located in the brain and thus this concept has been challenged by many experts.
• If dis-inhibition explained the relationship between substance abuse and woman abuse, we would expect batterers who were substance abusers to be non-violent when their substance use was terminated.
• Abstinent and recovering substance abusers are well represented in domestic violence courts and batterers programs.

Discussions of risk factors and divergent perspectives on substance abuse and woman abuse are a major concern. These perspectives may shift the responsibility for woman abuse from the abuser to another factor. These factors could then be targeted for prevention or treatment, ignoring key issues of gender and power, and most importantly avoiding the issue of accountability. Woman abuse is a choice that men make in a society which supports men’s power and control.
Another commonly held notion which studies do not support, is that men who batter are very intoxicated and are therefore “out of control” when they batter. Despite the impairment in men’s lives caused by alcohol and drugs, domestic violence remains a matter of choice, a “guided doing.”

Other perspectives of the substance – violence relationship may be viewed as:

An excuse – batterers claim that violent behavior is caused by substance abuse rather that the self
A power motive – Alcohol-aggression relationship is conditional upon individual power needs
Situational – a battered woman may use substances with her abuser in an attempt to manage his violence and increase her own safety or she may be forced to use substances with her batterer.
Partial to certain characteristics – Alcohol abuse increases the chances of woman abuse in those men who already approved of situational violence against women…heavy drinking was associated with woman abuse only for those men with a high levels of hostility…
Effective across generations – Substance abuse and woman abuse are learned through observation.
Parental substance abuse and parental woman abuse may impact the development of children, increasing the chances of a child growing up to be an abuser, a victim of abuse and/or a substance abuser.
For more information visit:sccadvasa.org/domestic-violence-facts-and-stats/substance-abuse...

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