10 signs of a controlling relationship

My first marriage did not start out with my ex-husband showing his controlling personality until he had me hooked.  After 21 years the  overwhelming fear was the most agonizing day to day part of my life.  I hated going to bed at night because I couldn't sleep and being in bed with him waiting for another shoe to drop was agonizing in itself. When I didn't think the day could get any worse, it always seemed to darken and poor  hell. I hated waking up the next morning for it to start all over again. I felt like I was in jail, my own hell every day of my life, until I realized I needed to free myself and bring hope back into my life, so that I could take care of myself and my children. I still struggle daily because my ex-husband has so much control and manipulation over my children.  When you think life can't be any more painful than the agony you personally went through, your children rip it apart one heart break at a time, because the pain of watching them live in their own hell is worse than your own.  What I struggle with so much is that my ex-husband does it not only to control my children, but control me through them.  After 3 years I have gotten better at dealing with his control and destructive emotional behavior with my children, but I still find myself being controlled and manipulated by him even though I know better. Take it from a survivor, get out while you are still whole, and not broken in spirit, heart, and soul, like I was.  I made some terrible mistakes to get out that I now have to live with for the rest of my life. However,  it has made me a stronger person and gave me strength of character, love for all human kind, has made me non-judgemental, and has given me hope, freedom of will, courage and a brand new life.  God new what he was doing, and I  truly believe he had it planned all along, I just didn't know it until now.  Break free and find the freedom you deserve.    

 Jill

10 Signs of a Controlling Relationship

We are all products of our conditioning. Our beliefs, experiences and knowledge dictate the way we interact with other people and our own selves. It is common for some people to develop a manipulative or controlling personality owing to their deep seated insecurities and fears. If you happen to be in a relationship with such a person then you are likely to sense the signs of a controlling relationship.

In this article we talk about 10 common signs of a controlling relationship and provide suggestions on how to deal with it.

Signs of being in a controlling relationship

Most intimate relationships are controlling to a small extent because we undoubtedly link up our lives to them – this is true even in family relationships. The problems start when the relationship becomes excessively controlling to the extent of becoming a source of degradation. If a relationship does not let you grow then be sure that it’s toxifying you.

Being in a controlling relationship will make you feel suffocated sooner or later. Here are the signs to watch out for.

1.) It’s never about you – This is usually the most obvious sign. If you find that your preferences and likings are usually ignored or manipulated to suit the interest of your partner, and it becomes a habit, then you are being controlled in your relationship.

2.) You sense a stark possessiveness – It is common to feel protective and a little possessive in any intimate relationship. Humans are born possessive. The problem is with unhealthy or dramatic possessiveness where you start feeling strangled. If your partner is excessively jealous or possessive of you, then he/she will try to control your movements and might even dictate on who you should or shouldn’t interact or talk to.

Unable to take independent decisions – If you find yourself asking your partner’s permission, rather than having a discussion, for every decision then it defines a clear sign of a controlling relationship. Even in the most intimate relationship there should be room and space for personal growth and interests. A healthy relationship is not binding but liberating.

You find yourself apologizing too often – Is it always you who is apologizing even if you know it’s not your fault? This is a common scenario in any controlling relationship. In the long run you will start feeling a lot of resentment towards your partner for making you feel lowly all the time.

Doing what you would rather not – If you find yourself doing things you’d rather not do just to please your partner, then it a definite sign that you are in an acutely controlling relationship and your partner is well aware of your dependence. Your self respect and esteem would be deeply dented if you tolerate such abuse.

You sense resentment more than care – Do you see your partner being constantly resentful of you rather than be caring towards you? Any healthy relationship comprises of people who want happiness for the other person and there is usually no room for resentment. It is normal for resentment to take the face of manipulation in due time.

Your priorities seem to take a back seat – If you find yourself disengaging from the several other priorities in your life, like your friends, family and hobbies, in order to satisfy the needs of your partner, then you are clearly in a manipulative and controlling relationship. Your partner is most likely imposing his/her loneliness upon you.

Negative emotions surpass the positive ones – Do you constantly find yourself depressed, fuming, sad or frustrated with life? Intimate relationships should make you a more loving and cheerful person not the other way round. Negative emotions may be pointing to a deeper truth that your relationship is being toxic towards your life.

Fear seems to be the dictating emotion – What do you envision when you think of your relationship - Darkness or bright light? If there is an intuitive feeling of fear inside you regarding your relationship then it would suggest that you feeling strangled or congested. Fear is the dominant emotion in any controlling relationship.

You feel like breaking free – It is not uncommon for people stuck in controlling relationships to dream about a better life with a brighter relationship. This feeling arises because you have let your life be dominated by a relationship to the extent of losing touch with yourself and your needs.

These are signs of being in a controlling relationship, now we move onto part 2 on – how to deal with controlling relationships.

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