Ria's post of heart ache and pain

Ria Wall shared this post to Freedom gives Hope,

I know exactly what you are saying, and I feel your pain, and your personal glory. Stay Strong, understanding and forever loving to your beautiful children and one day you will feel strong again in your own heart and mind.  The scars will never go away, but it makes us a stronger person for what we have endured, and most of all it makes us SURVIVIORS!  Jill Griffin of Freedom Gives Hope.




When I walk around I see things so differently now. I see a woman with her husband/boyfriend and wonder is she fighting a war? Her own private war. Will she survive? If she does will she truly live again? Unfortunately even when we get out of the battlefield we still live it everyday. Alot of people don't get it. Domestic violence victims suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. DV org compares the life a DV victim lives is equal to the front lines of a battlefield. I can agree. My EXH was a solider on the front lines and says he feels he had it easier. His enemy was unknown to him, he knew they wanted him dead and he knew given any chance they would try to kill him. A DV victim never knows when it becomes deadly. We sleep with the enemy , we loved the enemy at some time if not still. We trust the enemy and are promised to be loved.We can't sleep without wondering if we will wake up with hands around our throats. A phone can become a weapon. Our love can be a weapon. Word that beat us down everyday, hair being pulled the punches and bruises, broken bones. We are prisoners of war with no escape well we feel no escape. I hear all the time , why doesn't she just leave him??? It makes my blood boil. Its not that easy. These men don't walk up and say hey I like you and punch us in the face. There is system they use. they win your trust they look for your weaknesses and exploit them. They charm and apologize. They slowly control. They use jealousy as an excuse. I just like you so much I can't help it. Family, kids and our own lives are threatened. One big one is I will convince the courts you are crazy and keep the kids. Help is there but its hard to admit you need it. On top of it they convince you its your fault.Cuts heal bruises fade but its the psyche that may never heal. We need a strong support system. We need to know someone will be there for us. When I finally got out my ex stalked me, tried to romance me and scare anyone who tried to help me. I felt so alone. I met my H a year after I left. We had some hard times , I flinched if he raised his voice, even if it was not at me. If we argued I would leave and curl up into a ball. I was very defensive at everything. If my ex actually came to get the girls I would get so sick because I was terrified. I have gone to counseling that has stopped alot of this but most of it will just take time. My instincts are alot sharper now, I get a vibe around men who are abusive. 98% of the time I am right. Its hard because I still will wake up in a sweat thinking someone is choking me or I hear those horrible things he said in my head. I have had anxiety attacts and I have had a time where I could not leave my house for months. I have moved on and I have forgiven him but I will never forget. I have my scars physically and mentally. I guess I am trying to say there is alot more to healing from domestic violence then just getting out and moving on. You know what I mean if you have been there. If you havn't and know someone who has be patient its not something you just get over.