Domestic Violence: Freedom Gives Hope, Hope Gives Freedom

Fear

Hell on earth is not a place but a state of mind!
Have you lived in fear, cowered when a hand is raised, felt empty and alone, or felt that your life has been stolen from you because anxiety and depression is nipping at your heals? Is your laughter gone? Has your spirit been broken, and the word hope is no longer in your vocabulary? I was once in that dark place of no return. My mind, body, heart and soul were broken into a million pieces, and the fear running through my veins were earth shattering. My brain was numb to all rational thinking and thoughts of suicide were like taking a common every day breath. The only thing that saved me was a moment of clarity to realize that I couldn't leave my young children behind with this person I was married to. My isolation and captivity was complete. I am still in counseling for PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) 3 years later, but I am finding out who I really am for the first time in my life. I am loving, smart, funny, and most of all I have learned that I am a good wife and a good mother after 21 years of hearing I wasn't good enough for anything. My life has been forever changed, and life is good. Challenges still arise, but with my new husband and my family always there for me with unconditional love and support I am
making it one day at a time.
My dream is that one day divorce courts will address mental, verbal and psychological (emotional) abuse as a prosecutable offense. The scars run deep and wide with all forms of abuse, just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they don't exist.Research is starting to show that mental abuse is longer lasting to its victims than physical abuse. I can now say I am a survivor!
Hope is something I never had, until my escape became a reality not a dream. Hope is now a wonderful word in my vocabulary, and fear is a thing of the past. My number one goal is to finish school with a PHD degree in Pyschology so that I can help women and men, who are still in that dark place of no return and to keep my children safe and showing them that they are loved. I want to show victims that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and a freedom of the soul they never thought possible. Abused women and men need to know that there is life after they go through hell on earth, a traumatic experience, that will forever change who they are and who they can be.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Characteristics Of A Controlling Person

Here's a list of common characteristics of a controlling person.....

.*Overemphasizes his/her importance
*Exaggerates to the extreme
*Greedy, only thinks of him/herself
*Lies extremely convincingly
*Projects an illusion of power that he/she does not have
*Lives in a world of distortion
*Switches from charm to killer instinct suddenly
*Prideful
*Presumptuous
*Pushy
*Defensive
*Inability to admit wrong
*Maniupulative
*Domineering
*Rebellious
*Stubborn
*Sows seeds of discord
*Hate (for those who question him/her)
*Uses fear and intimidation in order to cloud the minds of those they desire to control
*Uses threats to influence
*Needs to accomplish his/her will (at anyone's expense)
*Never takes any blame
*Brags excessively
*Criticizes others
*Preoccupied with self
*Bound with a fear of rejection
*Uses others (only to benefit him/herself)
*Possessive love (turns from sweet to sour if doesn't get his/her way)
*Vindictive and mean-spirited if doesn't get his/her way
*Continually collects ammunition to use in case he/she loses his/her grip on power
*Doesn't seem to have a conscience

What motivates controllers?

*They cannot stand to be wrong.
*They are motivated by insecurity.
*They have a need to feel power and authority, and they will do anything to achieve it.
*They have a need to be elevated, awarding themselves credit and titles.
*They feel they know more than anyone; therefore, they dominate converstations.
*They feel that no one can handle things as well as they can (not even God). Therefore, they take things into their own hands.
*Sometimes a controller becomes temporarily remorseful, but soon goes back to his/her controlling tactics. The learned behavior is deeply rooted, and the controller enjoys the taste of power.
*If you threaten their power and influence, they will seek to destroy you.

*This information is from the book "Confronting Jezebel, Discerning And Defeating The Spirit Of Control," by Steve Sampson.

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INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES

Knowledge and understanding brings us strength of power, and a sense of freedom and hope for the future. Jill Griffin

"HELL DOES HAVE AN EXIT DOOR" Denise Moon

Did you know the ones who are the strongrest are usually the ones who are the most sensitive? Did you know that the ones who exhibit the most kindness are the first ones to get mistreated? Did you know that the one who cares for others all the time are the ones who need the most? (author unknown)

Every test in life makes us bitter or better, every problem comes to break us or make us. The choice is ours wether we become the victim or the victor. (author unknown)

Remember, its not the people that stand by your side when you're at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when youre at your worst that are your true friends in life. (Author unknown)

Be thankful for the hard times in your life, try not to look at them as bad things, but as opportunities to grow and learn. (author unknown)

From this day on, when I look back on the past, I will smile and say to myself I never though I could do it, but I did. I overcame all the people who tried to bring me down! (author unknown)

GOD DIDN'T PROMISE DAYS WITHOUT PAIN, LAUGHTER WITHOUT SORROW, OR SUN WITHOUT RAIN, BUT GOD DID PROMISE STRENGTH FOR THE DAY, COMFORT FOR THE TEARS AND A LIGHT FOR THE WAY. (author unknown)

LORD HELP ME TO LAUGH EVEN WHEN NOTHING SEEMS FUNNY (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

LORD JESUS, SHOW ME HOW TO PLACE MY HAND IN YOURS, SO YOU CAN GUIDE ME THROUGH MY FEARS. (AUTHOR UNKNONW)

Suffering produces preserverance: preserverance charactor: and charactor hope. (Romans 5:3-4)

ITS NOT THE FALLING THAT MATTERS FOR YOU RIGHT NOW, ITS THE GETTING BACK UP! FATHER GIVE ME PERSEVERANCE, GIVE ME THE HOPE I NEED TO GET UP AFTER I FALL DOWN! (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

A WISE MAN IS STRONG, YEA, A MAN OF KNOWLEDGE INCREASETH STRENGTH. (PRVERBS 24:5)

DEAR GOD, HELP ME TO SEE THE POSSIBILITIES THAT ARE WAITING IN THE MOST UNLIKELY PLACES. (AUTHOR UNKNONWN)

BE OF GOOD COURAGE AND DO IT! (EYRA 10:4)

THANK YOU FATHER FOR GIVING US THE GIFT OF PAIN SO THAT WE KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG, AND FOR BEING THE GREAT PHYSICIAN WHO CAN HEAL US WHEN WE ARE READY. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

GIVE ME THE WISDOM, FATHER, TO KNOW WHEN TO STICK OUT A DIFFICULT SITUATION AND WHEN TO MAKE A CHANGE. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

DIRECT US GOD, WHEN WE FACE A TOUGH DECISION, GIVE US WISDOM, GIVE US COURAGE, GIVE US VISION. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

LORD THANK YOU THAT LAUGHTER HELPS LIGHTEN UP THE DARK PLACE OF A DIFFICULT JOURNEY. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

THANK YOU LORD FOR THE GIFTS OF CREATIVIITY AND BEAUTY THAT TRIUMPH OVER THE DISCOURAGEMENT AND UNCERTAINTY OF OUR LIVES. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

THANK YOU LORD FOR THE LIVING STRENGTH OF PRAYER AND THE LOVE THAT SUSTAINS US IN THE TIME OF CRISIS, I THINK OF _________WHO DESPERTLY NEEDS YOUR TOUCH RIGHT NOW. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

STOP DOUBTING AND BELIEVE. (JOHN 20:27)

LET NOT YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED. (JOHN 20:27)

HEAVENLY FATHER, I TRY TO CARRY LOADS YOU NEVER INTENDED FOR ME TO PACK AROUND, I GIVE THEM TO YOU IN PRAYER. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

WEATHERING THE STORMS OF LIFE, THE BIGGER THE TRIAL, THE BIGGER THE BLESSING. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

SUCCESS OR FAILURE IS A MOMENT, HOW YOU RESPOND TO IT IS THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

YOU KNOW I'M NOT PERFECT, GOD I'LL MAKE MISTAKES, BUT WITH YOUR HELP THOSE MISTAKES WILL MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON TOMORROW THAN I WAS TODAY. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

YOU ARE MY LAMP O LORD, THE LORD TURNS MY DARKNESS INTO LIGHT. (SAMUEL 22:29-51)

IN THE SHADOW OF THY WINGS I WILL MAKE REFUGE (PSALM 57:1)

IN GOD IS MY SALVATION AND MY GLORY, THE ROCK OF MY STRENGTH AND MY REFUGE (PSALM 62:7)

IN THE SHADOW OF HIS WINGS I WILL REJOICE (PSALMS 63:7)

HE SHALL COVER THEE WITH HIS FEATHERS AND UNDER HIS WINGS SHALT THOU TRUST: HIS TRUTH SHALL BE THY SHIELD AND BUCKLER (PSALMS 91:4)

INCLINE THINE EAR TO ME, RESUE ME QUICKLY, BE THOU TO ME A ROCK OF STRENGTH, A STRONGHOLD TO SAVE ME FOR THOUGH ARE MY ROCK AND MY FORTRESS. (PSALMS: 31:2-3)

BE STRONG AND LET YOUR HEART TAKE COURAGE, ALL YOU WHO HOPE IN THE LORD (PSALMS: 31:24)

FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU, DECLARES THE LORD, PLANS FOR WELFARE AND NOT OF CALAMITY TO GIVE YOU A FUTURE AND A HOPE. (JEREMIAH 29:11)

A JOYFUL HEART IS GOOD MEDICINE, BUT A BROKEN SPIRIT DRIES UP THE BONES. (PROVERBS 17:22)

THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH AND MY SHIELD, MY HEART TRUSTS IN HIM AND I AM HELPED, THEREFORE MY HEART EXULTS, AND WITH SONG I SHALL THANK HIM (PSALMS 28:7)

HATRED STIRRETH UP STRIFES, BUT LOVE COVERETH ALL SINS. (PROVERBS 10:12)

A MERRY HEART MAKETH A CHEERFUL COUNTENANCE, BUT BY SORROW OF THE HEART THE SPIRIT IS BROKEN. (PROVERBS 15:13)

HE THAT IS SLOW TO WRATH IS OF GREAT UNDERSTANDING BUT HE THAT IS HASTY OF SPIRIT EXALTETH FOLLY. (PROVERBS 14:29)

O MY GOD, I TRUST IN THEE LET ME NOT BE ASHAMED, LET NOT MINE ENEMIES TRIUMPH OVER ME. (PSALMS 25:2)

THE TROUBLES OF MY HEART ARE ENLARGED O BRING THOU ME OUT OF MY DISTRESSES LOOK UPON MINE AFFLICTION AND MY PAIN AND FORGIVE ALL MY SINS. (PSALMS 25:17-18

FOR HIS ANGER ENDURETH BUT A MOMENT, IN HIS FAVOR IS LIFE, WEEPING MAY ENDURE FOR A NIGHT, BUT JOY COMETH IN THE MORNING. (PSALMS 30:5)

I SOUGHT THE LORD, AND HE HEARD ME, AND DELIVERED ME FROM MY FEARS. (PSALMS 34:4)

THE LORD IS NIGH UNTO THEM THAT ARE OF A BROKEN HEART AND SAVETH SUCH AS BE OF A CONTRITE SPIRIT. (PSALMS 34:18)

BE NOT OVERCOME OF EVIL, BUT OVERCOME EVIL WITH GOOD. (ROMANS 12:21)

OWE NO MAN ANYTHING, BUT TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER: FOR HE THAT LOVETH ANOTHER HATH FULFILLED THE LAW. (ROMANS 13:8)

THAT WE THROUGH PATIENCE AND COMFORT OF THE SCRIPTURES HAVE HOPE. (ROMAN 15:4)

THE FRUIT OF THE RIGHTEOUSNESS IS SOWN IN PEACE OF THEM THAT MAKE PEACE. (JAMES 3:18)

I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHCIH STRENGTHENS ME. (PHILIPPIANS 4:13)

LET US THEREFORE COME BOLDLY UNTO THE THRONE OF GRACE, THAT WE MAY OBTAIN MERCY, AND FIND GRACE TO HELP IN TIME OF NEED. (HEBREWS 4:16)

A MAN VOID OF UNDERSTANDING STRIKETH HANDS, AND BECOMETH SURETY IN THE PRESENCE OF A FRIEND. (PROVERBS 17:18)

A SOFT ANSWER TURNETH AWAY WRATH, BUT GRIEVOUS WORDS STIR UP ANGER. (PROVERBS 15:1)

LET ALL BITTERNESS AND WRATH AND ANGER, AND CLAMOUR, AND EVIL SPEAKING, BE PUT AWAY FROM YOU WITH ALL MALICE AND YE BE KIND ONE TO ANOTHER, TENDER HEARTED, FORGIVING ONE ANOTHER, EVEN AS GOD FOR CHRIST'S SAKE HATH FORGIVEN YOU. (EPHESIANS 4:31-32)

FOR BEARING ONE ANOTHER AND FORGIVING ONE ANOTHER, IF ANY MAN HAVE A QUARREL AGAINST ANY EVEN AS CHRIST FORGAVE YOU, SO ALSO DE YE. (COLOSSIANS 3:13)

FATHERS, PROVOKE NOT YOUR CHILDREN TO ANGER, LEST THEY BE DISCOURAGED, (COLOSSIANS 3:21)

BUT IF YE FORGIVE NOT MEN OF THEIR TRESPASSES, NEITHER WILL YOUR FATHER FORGIVE YOUR TRESPASSES. (PROVERBS 6:34)

JUDGE NOT, THAT YE BE NOT JUDGED, FOR WITH WHAT JUDGEMENT YE JUDGE, YE SHALL BE JUDGED, AND WITH WHAT MEASURE YE METE, IT SHALL BE MEASURED TO YOU AGAIN. (MATTHEW 7:1-2)

ASK, AND IT SHALL BE GIVEN YOU, SEEK AND IT SHALL FIND, KNOCK, AND IT SHALL BE OPENED UNTO YOU, FOR EVERY ONE THAT ASKETH, RECEIVETH, AND HE THAT SEEKETH FINDETH, AND TO HIM THAT KNOCKETH IT SHALL BE OPENED. (MATTHEW 7:7-8)

OH LORD, YOU ARE WITH ME IN MY LONILESS, HELP ME KEEP MY EYES ON YOU, SHINE YOUR LIGHT INTO THE DARK CORNERS OF MY LIFE. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

O LORD OF INFINATE GRACE, HEAR OUR CRY, IN OUR WEAKNESS BE OUR STRENGTH, IN OUR DESPAIR OUR HOPE. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

FOR US AND THOSE WE LOVE, THAT WHICH WE ARE UNABLE TO DO FOR OURSELVES. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

WHEN I'M DOWN IN THE DUMP GOD, REMIND ME THAT EVEN THERE YOU CAN GIVE ME SOMETHING TO SMILE ABOUT. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

FATHER, HELP ME TO EXPECT YOUR RAINBOW IN ALL OF LIFES STORMS. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

LORD OF ETERNAL LIGHT AND LOVE, WHEN MY HEART IS LONELY, I PRAISE YOU FOR THE ENCOURGEMENT OF SWEET SUPRISES. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

DO NOT BE TERRIFEID, DONT' BE DISCOURAGED, FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD WILL BE WITH YOU WHERE EVER YOU GO. (JOSHUA 1:19)

ALMIGHTY GOD, FOR ALL THE TIMES WE NEED TO REBUILD WETHER ITS OUR HOMES, OUR LIVES, OR OUR RELATIONSHIPS GIVE US YOUR STRENGTH, YOUR PEACE , YOUR HOPE. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

WHEN HEARTS ARE HARD LORD, HELP ME TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP TO FORGIVENESS. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

DEAR JESUS, LET HOPE WALK WITH ME ON THE DAY I HAVE TROUBLE SEEING THE DREAM AHEAD. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

MY PRESENCE WILL GO WITH YOU, AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST. (UNKNOWN)

LORD, YOU HOLD OUT YOUR ARMS TO COMFORT ME HELP ME SET ASIDE THE THINGS THAT PREVENT ME FROM ENTERING YOUR JOY. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

FATHER, HELP ME REMEMBER THAT MY NUMBER ONE RESPONSIBILITY IS TO BE HAPPY AND FULFILLED IN MY OWN BODY, MIND AND SOUL SO I CAN BE THE BEST I CAN POSSIBLY BE FOR THE OTHERS IN MY LIFE. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

HOPE IS THE ABILITY TO HEAR THE MUSIC OF THE FUTURE, FAITH IS THE COURAGE TO DANCE TO IT TODAY! (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

A FRIEND IS SOMEONE THAT REACHES FOR YOUR HAND AND TOUCHES YOUR HEART. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

LAUGH AS MUCH AS YOU BREATHE LOVE AS LONG AS YOU LIVE. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

LIFE IS NOT ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS, IT'S ABOUT LEARNING TO TO DANCE IN THE RAIN. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

WHAT LIES BEHIND US AND WHAT LIES BEFORE US ARE SMALL MATTERS COMPARED TO WHAT LIES WITHIN US. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

FATHER GOD, WHEN THE ENEMY COMES LIKE A ROARING LION TO ATTACK ME, HELP ME TO REMEMBER TO CALL ON YOUR NAME. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

GOD SAID, IT'S TIME TO LEAVE YOUR COMFORT ZONE, DON'T WORRY YOUR FUTURE IS IN MY HANDS. (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

THE LORD IS CLOSE TO THE BORKEN HEARTED, HE RESCUES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRT! (AUTHOR UNKNOWN)

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD PRAYER

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD, I SHALL NOT WANT, HE MAKETH ME LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES HE LEADETH ME BESIDE STILL WATERS,HE RESTORETH MY MY SOUL, HE LEADETH ME IN THE PATHS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS FOR HIS NAMES SAKE, YEA THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, I WILL FEAR NO EVEIL, FOR THOU ART WITH ME,THY ROD AND THEY STAFF THEY COMFORT ME, THOUGH PREPARETH A TABLE BEFORE ME IN THE PRESENCE OF MINE ENEMIES, THOUGH ANOINTEST MY HEAD WITH OIL, MY CUP RUNNETH OVER SURELY GOODNESS AND MERCY SHALL FOLLWOW ME ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE AND I WILL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD FOREVER.

FOOTPRINTS

ONE NIGHT I DREAMED I WAS WALKING ALONG THE BEACH WITH THE LORD. MANY SCENES FROM MY LIFE FLASHED ACROSS THE SKY. IN EACH SCENE I NOTICED FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND. SOMETIMES THERE WERE TWO SETS OF FOOTPRINTS, OTHER TIMES THERE WAS ONE ONLY. THIS BOTHERED ME BECAUSE I NOTICED THAT DURING THE LOW PERIODS IN MY LIFE, WHEN I WAS SUFFERING FROM ANGUISH, SORROW OR DEFEAT, I COULD SEE ONLY ONE SET OF FOOTPRINTS... SO I SAID TO THE LORD, "YOU PROMISED ME LORD, THAT IF I FOLLWOED YOU, YOU WOULD WALK WITH ME ALWAYS. BUT I HAVE NOTICED THAT DURING THE MOST TRYING PERIODS OF MY LIFE THERE HAS ONLY BEEN ONE SET OF FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND. WHY, WHEN I NEEDED YOU MOST,HAVE YOU NOT BEEN THERE FOR ME?" THE LORD REPLIED, "THE YEARS WHEN YOU HAVE SEEN ONLY ONE SET OF FOOTPRINTS, MY CHILD, IS WHEN I CARRIED YOU." MARY STEVENSON, 1984

Books for knowledge, They will bring you strength

Domestic Violence: The criminal justice response By: Eve S Buzawa and Carl B Buzawa
Abused Men, The hidden side of Domestic Violence By: Phillip W Cook
In Sheeps Clothing: Manipulating people by George Simon
Emotional Blackmail: By Susan Forward and Donna Frazier
Information every Women Should Have. DOmestic Violence Handbook By: Catherine Paris
Breaking Free, Starting Over: Parenting in the after Math of Family Violence By: Chirstina M Dalpiaz
Spin Cycle Stop: A Practical Handbook on Domestic Violence Awareness. By: Bob Meade MA, LMFT
Truth and Prejudice: Mens experience of Domestic Violence. By: Edith Kashobera Crawford
Loving Someone with Bipolar disorder: How to keep out of control emotions from Destroying your relationship
Surviving a borderline parent: How to heal your childhood wounds and build trust, boundries and self-esteem. By: Kimberlee Roth and Freda B Freidman Phd, LCSW
Thriving on the Bipolar Roller COaster: How to succedd with Bipolar Disorder: By Phyllis Elliot
Living with someone who's living with Bipolar disorder: A Practical guide for family,friends, and coworkers. By: Chelsea Lowe and Bruce M Cohen MD,phd
Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in your life: By Linda Martinez-Lewi. PHD
Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown up guide to getting over Narcissistic parents: by Nina W Brown, Ed.D.,LPC
Object of my Affection is my Reflection-Coping with Narcissists By: Rokelle Lerner
Disamring the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self Absorbed: By Wendy T Behary LCSW
Narcissism- Denial of the True-Self By : Alexander Lowen MD
Why is it Always About You? The seven deadly sins on Narcissism; By : Sandy Hotchkiss
Stop Hurting the Women You Love: By Elaine Eldridge, Randy Flood et. al.
How to spot a Dangerous Man before you get Involved: By MS Sandra Brown
Healing Your Emotional Self: By Beverly Engel
When Dad Hits Mom: Helping children heal Wounds of witnessing abuse. By: Lundy Bankcroft
The Batterer as Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics; By Lundy Bankcroft
Contolling People: How to recognize, Understand, and deal with People who try to Control You: By Patrricia Evans
The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop being manipulated and abused and start Standing Up for Yourself: by Beverly Engel
The Emotionally Abused Women, Overcoming Destructive Patterns an Reclaiming yourself; By: Beverly Engel
Breaking the cycle of Abuse. How to move beyond your past to create an abuse free future: by: Beverly Engel
Should I stay or Should I go. A guide to knowing if your relationship can and should be saved; by: Lundy Bankcroft
The Verbally Abusive relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond. By: Patricia Evans
The Verbally Abusive Man, Can he change: by Patricia Evans
Why Does he do that; Inside the minds of angry and controlling men. By: Lundy Bankcroft
Stop Walking on Eggshells. By: Paul Mason MS, Randi Kregor
The Power of a Praying Women; by Stormie Omartian
The Power of a Praying Parent; by stormie Omartian
Sometimes it's ok to be angry; by Dr Mitch Goland and Bob Crane

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Sunday, January 13, 2013

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