Domestic Violence: Freedom Gives Hope, Hope Gives Freedom

Emotional Abuse - Narcissism

 

How are Emotional Abuse and Narcissism Related?


Is there a reason why emotional abuse and narcissism seem to go together? The answer is a resounding YES!

There are very specific reasons why narcissists are also often emotionally and verbally abusive.

Read more and found out about the categories of emotional/verbal abuse and why narcissists often engage in emotionally abusive behavior.

Categories of Emotional/Verbal Abuse

The following are all behaviors a partner may experience from an emotionally/verbally abusive partner:

Withholding - Withholding love, affection, empathy, and intimacy

Countering - This is when the partner expresses a thought and the abuser immediately counters that view with his/her own without really listening to or considering it.
Discounting - When the abuser discounts the partners views or thoughts, tells the partner those ideas are insignificant, incorrect, or stupid. The abuser will often discount the partners memory about the abuse itself.

Verbal abuse disguised as jokes - These "jokes" can be very hurtful, especially if delivered in public.
Blocking and diverting - When the partner wants to discuss a concern, the abuser changes the subject and prevents any discussion and resolution.

Accusing and blaming - The abuser will accuse the partner of some offense. The abuser may well know the aprtner is innocent of the supposed offense, but this tactic serves the purpose of putting the partner on the defensive rather than seeing clearly the behavior of the abuser.
Judging and criticizing - This serves to weaken the partners self-esteem and look to the abuser for validation.

Trivializing - This is when the abuser minimizes
something that is important to the partner, such as a concern about something the abuser as done.
Undermining - When the partner wants to do something positive in her/his life, the abuser becomes threatened and tried to stop the partner. It may be an overt command, or it may be trying to subtly convince the partner why it's a bad idea.

Threatening - This can include threats of divorce, of leaving, of abuse, or other threats of actions that would hurt (not necessarily physically) the partner or someone the partner cares about.

Name-calling - This de-humanizes the partner and obviously erodes the partner's self-esteem.

Forgetting. - This includes the abuser 'forgetting' about incidents of abuse, which undermines the partners reality. The abuser may also 'forget' about things that they know are very important to their partner.
Ordering - Treating the partner as child or a slave; denying the sovereignty of the partner.

Denial - the abuser denies his/her actions. This discounts the reality of a partner (this is also known as "crazymaking").
Abusive Anger - When the abuser becomes enraged to the point of frightening the partner. This rage often is caused by incidents that a non-abuser would consider insignificant.

Verbal/Emotional abuse can be just as (if not more damaging) as physical abuse.

Narcissistic Injury

So why to narcissists in particular often engage in emotional abusive behavior? It is because of their misperceptions about themselves and the world. Narcissists have an exaggerated, grandiose opinion of themselves (Inside the Mind of a Narcissist), and the narcissist expects that the world should conform to that opinion.

When the world doesn't conform, the narcissist experiences what is known as narcissistic injury. This is when the narcissist experiences a threat to his/her perceptions of themselves as perfect, wise, kind, omniscient, omnipotent, important, deserving of special treatment, etc. because a narcissist's view of himself/herself is completely out of touch with reality, narcissistic injury can happen rather frequently.

Emotional Abuse and Narcissistic Rage

When a narcissist experiences narcissistic injury, they usually become defensive, even enraged. This is known as narcissistic rage. If someone makes a comment that the narcissist perceives as a threat, the narcissist will first devalue the individual who made the comment, so that their comments lose merit in the narcissists mind, so he/she can continue to hold the unrealistic self-perception. The narcissist does this by engaging in many of the behaviors shown above, in "categories of verbal abuse."

Narcissistic Rage can take the form of emotional OR physical abuse!!!

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